So, my first week of work is over. Huzzah? As much as I hate the thought, I really need another job, 'cause I'm not sure we're going to be able to pay rent on time next month. Or possibly at all.

I need to talk with Brian and see if he minds getting instalments. -_-

On the bright side, they have me working the coffee bar tomorrow and monday. Opening shift. Which starts at 5:15. Yes, this is a bright side. it means I can take a nice nap this afternoon and do my shit tonight and just not go to bed until I get home at about 9:30 (I'm only training this week, so it's a short shift). And then I get much fuller days the rest of the week, so instead of the 20 hours I worked this week, I'm working 28, AND I get overtime on Thursday because it's Christmas Eve. If I can work 28-30 hour weeks EVERY week, we should be okay. Of course, we might not be able to EAT, but I'm looking into food stamps. Whatever.

In other news, I ran a very short-lived ARG last weekend, that started early Saturday morning and ended early Wednesday evening. It was extremely spur of the moment, seat-of-my-pants kind of stuff, but the people that I know followed it were all very enthusiastic and very sweet and encouraging. In five days, they amassed over thirty pages of posts in the UF thread started for it. I'm in a game that started shortly before mine and is still running, and we only just hit 20 pages. Basically, it was the most extended fun I've had in a while, and was totally worth laying in the snow and mud for three minutes without moving as snow crept into the space between my shirt and trousers. The MOST fun.

So I totally have had Seanan McGuire's "Follow Me Down" stuck in my head since yesterday - I've listened to it so many times I actually know all the words. XD It's very fun, and it totally fits one of my OCs and her brother so very scarily well with the symbolism of the seasons and so forth and she's adopted it so now I have a Summer playlist with all of ONE song on it.

Anyway, I'm going to go play WoW for a little while whilst I drink my soda and get sleepier, and then I will go sleep, so I can cuddle my girlfriend. ^^ Oh, and, y'know, sleep.

ETA: ...note to self: When kept in the car during temperatures that keep sticking below freezing and are often below TEN, it's very likely that the 12-pack of soda is SLUSHY, if not frozen. Do not try to open the cans until they thaw.

• 09:39 @mikai_22 was just at a red light next to someone blasting Stereo Skyline :) #
• 10:00 @mikai_22 they're so cute! I want to see them play :) #
• 18:58 @xoxoKellyLee tick tock by Ke$ha :) that song's addicting! #
• 19:59 Found a five dollar bill in the parking lot of Bev Mo! #
• 20:49 Watching them play Liar's Dice in the second Pirates movie always reminds me of high school math classes :) #
• 21:51 @mikai_22 haha, which mini-Panic kid? #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

HOLY FUCK SHOW. AND HOLY FUCK, LJ. DON'T EAT MY FORMATTING WHEN I POST.

( Dollhouse 2X09/2X10: Stop-Loss/The Attic )

( Dollhouse 2X09/2X10: Stop-Loss/The Attic )

( Dollhouse 2X09/2X10: Stop-Loss/The Attic )

If I'm going to stress myself out about everything I say, probably for no good reason?

MAYBE I SHOULDN'T SAY WORDS.

You know. Just as a precautionary measure.

*headfuckingwall*

• 12:51 My magical powers of parking space discovery work again! #
• 13:46 At the eye doctor's office. I'm guessing I'm still blind as a bat, but it's always nice to confirm I can see colors. #
• 14:59 My new eye doctor worked on the human genome project! So cool! #
• 18:21 Just saw 2012. Surprisingly wasn't terrible. #
• 20:59 Lol, I forgot how funny the songs Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, and Tracy Morgan did were #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

TWITTER, WHEN YOU FAIL, I HAVE TO GO ONTO MY LJ TO WHINE. AND I REALLY HATE WHINING ALL OVER MY LJ. Mrgle. This night suuucks. I am thirsty, but the only beverages we have are caffeinated, and I'm pretty sure I've surpassed my Coke limit today and if I have one, I may never sleep, but... Mrmph. Want.

AND MY PRODUCTIVITY IS SHIT. OH GOD. I am not happy with anything I'm writing right now, so I don't really want to try, and it's making me feel dumb and unmotivated. I really need to improve my motivation, because GOD, I am going to wind up so screwed if I don't... Actually do anything to get out of this funk, I'm never going to do anything with myself. ....I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T MAKE SENSE AT ALL TONIGHT. My brain is all...Wonky. >.<

I'm not really depressed right now. More annoyed and brainfaily than anything, mostly with myself, and that just leads to self-deprecating SPAZZ that I don't need right now, because once I get into one self-doubting headspace, I flit into every other one ever.

Meh. Whatever. I'm going to watch TV in the hopes that will keep me from refreshing everything ever and getting annoyed that there's nothing to distract me and make it look like I'm... Vacuuming the cat, instead of not writing because I physically can't or whatever right now. I make all the sense?

This is the most nonsensical journal entry EVER. Did I mention my brain isn't working and that I've been reduced to flailing because I want Dollhouse spoilers and I cannot has to keep from spazzing over the fact that I'm having issues writing and tagging and all that jazz? AND IF TWITTER WERE WORKING, I WOULD FLAIL THERE. :|

.....Hi.

I'm gonna go get a Coke now.

No, being upset about the LJ genderfail is not indicative of some incorrect assumption that the WHOLE INTERNET MUST SUBSCRIBE TO OUR LIBERAL BELIEFS.

No, being mildly pissed about the "holiday promotion that isn't" is not ridiculous, considering LJ's done the same thing every year and then they suddenly changed it to this THING that is... really stupid and will probably make them more money and that's obviously what it's all about to them anymore.

No, this is not about us thinking the internet should cater to our every whim.

No, we would NOT go to jail for being upset at a company that WE PAY MONEY TO for alienating us and making changes to the service with absolutely NO advance notice.

No, there is NOT an assumption that you're at the cause of the wank, mostly because WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

And, for the record, I doubt anyone you consider a friend or who considers you a friend is "too damned liberal" to understand your problems. Spoken like a true closed-minded conservative with a martyr complex. I thought you were better than that. I really did.

But watching you these days is like watching a train wreck.

And I can apparently not get the hang of this Thursday. >.<

Ngh. I've been cleaning all day. I fixed up the living room to prepare for someone to put up the Christmas tree this weekend and then did dishes and laundry without even really thinking about it, which is... Weird, because I normally agonize over having to do chores before I do them. ....It's probably because my brain is all crazy and I need to do something productive, rather than fretting about things beyond my control and things that don't matter and... Various other things. I keep wanting to write or make a post or something, but I don't have any ideas for fics and the words aren't flowing right and klsdjajklas. >__< And making a post will likely just make me flail since I can barely keep up with the tags I have and everyone's suffering from brainfail anyway, and... Blargh.

Ugh. I'm so anxious and paranoid and twitchy. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE OVER THIS. >__< I mentioned it would be hard and it is. Very hard. Argh. I don't even know what it is. It's this horrid emotional cocktail of anxiety and paranoia and I'd like it to go away now. This winter has just sucked so hardcore.

In better news, I'm really enjoying the worldbuilding I'm doing for this new verse I'm poking at, so, at least... That's something. It doesn't feel productive or anything, but it's relaxing and... Stuff. magi and Aubrey told me to name a secondary character Sam, because I wound up with a main character named Jack, and somehow that meant he became a Sam. And I kinda love him. He's like if Sam Tyler and Sam Axe decided to raise a child.

....Also, it really weirds me out that all my same-sex couples are female/female. I have a ridiculous number of gay characters, but they're all women. I don't know if that's a good thing or something I should... Deal with. Mrmph.

• 19:54 Watching my dad tap his foot to "Bad Romance"...lol #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

I have no comment on LJ's holiday fail, mostly because this kind of thing ALWAYS makes me spazz. >.< And I have a problem with not giving up on things until things have gotten so freakin' bad that I can't stand it. Meh. Mostly, it's less not giving things up and more that ALL MY STUFF IS HERE AND I HATE CHANGE. >.< Rrrrh. Fuck. *gnaws on things* I don't need one more thing to stress over though. >.<

...I am still a slow fucking tagger. I need to stop that. :\ Rawr. That is also making me spazz, but that's... Just me being neurotic.

JUST LIKE MY DEEP, DEEP DESIRE FOR SPOILERS FOR MY SHOWS IS ME BEING EXTREMELY NEUROTIC. Ugh. I need information, people. I do not like surprises. Unless they're good surprises. This year has been good about giving me good surprises (the Trickster revelation! THE SURPRISE COMA!), with the exception of the Juliet Fiasco and the Jo and Ellen Ordeal, which I am still traumatized by. On both counts. Argh.

ON THE PLUS SIDE, Mom and I took an unexpected trip to Murray that cheered me right up. We did a lot of finishing up some Christmas stuff while things were calmed down so we didn't have to bother with the Last Weekend Before Christmas crowds and tomorrow I'm going to clean up the living room (which is much easier to clean than the den) so Brittany can put up the tree when she gets off from school. IT WILL LOOK LIKE CHRISTMAS AROUND HERE, DAMMIT. :|

I also have a new 'verse that I'm playing with. I guess when you can't write, you.... Can play? I'm wondering if it's big enough to warrant a wiki section for it. ....That poor Wiki was supposed to just be for Descantverse and now it's a disorganized mess for all my 'verses. The ones that aren't just meant to be single novels anyway. Mrmph. Maybe I'll break out my original fiction comm and find PB's and stuff and explore with that. If I can't tag properly, I can... At least do that.

I got up at 6:15, took a shower so I could get to work two hours earlier than I usually do. That sucked, but the gingerbread coffee I had this morning sort of made up for it. What it doesn't make up for, however, is that even with the extra two hours at work, I still feel like I accomplished absolutely nothing today. It's a wonder my hair hasn't turned gray or fallen out from stress yet. Oh well, two more days and then the weekend.

The weekend. Right. Where I can panic about Yuletide, kick myself in the arse for not starting it earlier and then digging in and doing the damn thing. One day, I will learn, but not this year.

At least I have the prospect of epic pirate badfic to act as an incentive. As soon as I finish Yuletide, I can start working on that. Piratical Russians, idiot farm boys, scheming Luthors - what else could be better?

I keep meaning to make an actual post, but... keep getting sidetracked.

So this is just a post to say that I have backed up my LJ on Dreamwidth - it's allfireburns, just like here - and will be crossposting from there from now on. You'll still see posts on this journal, and you can comment either here or there, but between LJ's recent genderfail and their frankly idiotic "holiday promotion", I feel safer having a backup and a different home base for my journal.

(Re: LJ's genderfail: Yes, they did roll back those intended changes. However, I do not believe it was a mistake, as LJ would like you to believe, and the fact that their "apology" took the tone of "we're sorry some evil person is misleading you by READING THE CODE WE PUT IN THE CHANGELOG" rather pisses me off.

Re: LJ's "holiday promotion": this and this sum up my feelings on the matter. Anything else I could say would rapidly devolve into something like "FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ARE YOU STUPID?" in LJ's general direction.)

If anyone would like a Dreamwidth account and doesn't have one, I have 10 invite codes available and can always request more. Just ask. And if anyone has a Dreamwidth account they'd like me to be subscribing to over there (with allfireburns - I've already got a few of you on my writing journal, mortalcity), let me know! (By the way, Dreamwidth has no holiday promotion, but ETA: Dreamwidth does have a holiday promotion, and their paid accounts have 100 icons and are $35 - the same amount as an LJ paid account + extra userpics. And if you really want, there is the option to upgrade to 250 userpics. I love Dreamwidth.)

...I swear I'll be making an actual entry at some point. Man, I suck at this journalling thing lately.

EDIT: Someone on DW pointed out that they do have a holiday promotion (see above). God, if it weren't for most of my friends and all the comms I love being on LJ, I would camp out at DW and never leave.

At some point, I will get up the will to do tags that don't just belong to one character. I know I have a shiny new fandom and I'm addicted to it and really like playing that character, but dear God, I have other tags. A lot of other tags... Okay, right now just three, but if anything, it makes my spazz and fail at DOING THOSE TAGS kind of ridiculous. :| ....This is also not helping that intense, isolated feeling I keep getting attacked with. WELL, CHRIS, IF YOU DIDN'T FAIL, MAYBE YOU WOULDN'T BE ISOLATED. :|

Meh. I've been kinda weird for the past few days. I don't know why. It's just irrational melancholy and spazz. Pfft. Oh well, I'm getting that worked on. Somehow. Mrmph. I'd feel a lot better if I knew what was causing this. Possibly it's the fact that it's nearly Christmas and it doesn't feel like Christmas. I think I need to marathon a bunch of Christmas episodes of shows or something.... I don't know if I have that many. My shows fail at Christmas specials. :\ (I HAVE THAT CHRISTMASY EPISODE OF HOUSE WHERE LIZ MITCHELL PLAYED A NUN THOUGH.)

WE GOT OUR CHRISTMAS SHOPPING DONE LAST NIGHT THOUGH. This is a happy thing! :D ...Okay, there's a couple more things we need to get in Murray on Friday, because Mart of Wal in Paris decided to hate on the Rebuild of Evangelion DVD I wanted and Mom is going to run by Peddler's Mall to liberate their copy of Band of Brothers for me.

I keep getting these extremely neurotic desires to organize things. First it was my closet and now I'm annoyed with my desk and my room as a whole. I don't even know what I could do with my desk to fix it.... But oh, you bet I'm about to figure it out. And then tomorrow while I'm forced to begin a long trek of waiting for the UPS trucks who would only run early if I slept in, I will clean the den and see if I can get the tree up.

• 10:42 Congrats to #Glee, Lea Michele, Matthew Morrison, and Jane Lynch on their nominations! #
• 14:12 @mikai_22 I still need your address dearie :) #
• 14:42 Didn't see it coming that Anna Kendrick would be the first Twilight actor to get nominated for a Golden Globe. Congrats to her! #

Automatically shipped by LoudTwitter

First counselor appointment went very well. I have a tineh girl for a counselor (her name is Abbey, which is adorable), and she suffered from a lot of the same stuff I suffer from, so while she was initially just the intake counselor, she agreed to take my case on as hers. She is so precious and actually feels like a person, as opposed to a condescending douchebag, so she's easy to talk to, which... I feel bad for her, because I talked her ear off. XD But she's a sweetie. I told her about how I couldn't sleep last night and how I got a hair in my ass about reorganizing my closet and she just LOOKED at me and went, ".....I did the same thing last night." SQUEE. Socute.

I have another appointment with her on the 28th and then an appointment with the psychologist on January 6th to see about medication. Things look very awesome!

Later today, Mom and I are going on (FINALLY) a valiant shopping quest. So yeah... I anticipate today being a pretty good day overall. Yay! I GOT A BURGER FOR LUNCH. DELICIOUS BURGER. OM NOM. Today cannot possibly be bad! BECAUSE I SAY SO.

*rolls on people* I hope everyone else is having/will have when they wake up a pleasant day. <333

THIS SONG NEEDS TO STOP MAKING ME LAUGH. OH GOD. IT'S NOT FUNNY.

Also, I spammed your flist.

But, um.... HEY, LOOK AT THIS THING. YOU KNOW YOU WANT A PIECE OF MY HOLIDAY LOVE MEME THREAD.

Everyone I know also needs to do it. Now. (Or... Uh, tomorrow or sometime soon!) I wish to lavish love upon you all.

DO NOT DENY ME MY RIGHT TO GIVE YOU RANDOM ANONYMOUS LOVE.

....PLEASE, GOD, LET ME SLEEP NOW.

I fail at this whole sleeping thing.

But I was laying in bed and something random occurred to me about the fucking Trickster.

( Spoilers for Changing Channels... SHUT UP. I WILL NEVER STOP SQUEEING OVER THAT EPISODE. )

....Someone knock me unconscious. I can't make my mind stop wandering for long enough to fall asleep.

I will never be over this song. >.>

I have to be up at 7:30 in the morning tomorrow to go to my first therapist's appointment.

Hahahahaha.... I am so doomed. >.< I can't sleep before, like, three in the morning, except on those rare occasions when I get so bored that even laying in bed and staring at the ceiling is better than refreshing the same five pages over and over like a crazy person.

Today is fired. I want to tear the universe apart with my teeth, because my friends are hurting and I feel utterly useless, because I want to fix it, but I can't. Rrrh. So I'm stuck with all these restless, predatory feelings.

*rolls on her people* I love all of you so, so, so much, and I really wish I could help you all. I hurt for you. And I don't know what to do, because I'm barely good at my own emotions. *nuzzles and loves on people*

I need to go find out what the hell I'm wearing tomorrow, so I don't have to dig in my closet for nice clothes, and then figure out a way to channel this restless, overwhelming protective energy into something constructive.

Take the first sentence from the first entry of each month of 2009.

( How do you measure a year in the life? )


....Verdict? THIS YEAR SUCKED EMOTIONALLY.

In other news, LJ's apparently not doing that sale on paid accounts. SO ANNOYED. >.< Sark and Des's paid accounts are expiring and I wanted to get Topher one too.... Like I have any money for any of that, BUT MAYBE IF I HAD, YOU KNOW, SOME AID. Augh.

Of course, money stress goes so far beyond my selfish need for paid accounts. >.< We're struggling to even have money for Christmas presents and various bills. Mrrrh. It'll work out. Mom gets paid tomorrow, even if she has to use some of that money to pay for my therapist's appointment tomorrow and Dad's supposed to have a huge check coming and aklsdjlsadla. I don't even know anymore. >.< Wanting anything right now seems ridiculously selfish.

This year is fired.

Ah. THAT'S why I was so nervous.

When I tried to get my car out, it slid down the hill a little ways, 'cause of the ice. I figure, okay, go around, there's another way up the little hill, no biggie.

I get stuck in the mud.

Once the landlord stops by to salt and sand the driveway, I'm calling a tow truck to pull me out.

Also, I hate everything. And feel like a flake. Calling in to tell the woman who hired me that I can't come in 'cause I'm stuck in the mud? NOT the best way to start at a new job. -_-

ugh.

Today's a big day! first day at my new job, wowee. have I mentioned I'm glad I'm getting paid every week?

Still, 20 hours a week isn't going to cover the expenses. Even if I get scheduled for 30 hours a week every week, it won't.

I'm going in on 2 hours of sleep, but I was barely tired enough to go to sleep when I did, so I guess I'll manage. I'm only in for 5 hours, anyway - that'll go fast. I'm used to 8 1/2 hour days.

god, why'm I so nervous?

I hope my knee doesn't act up.

It's raining again. >.< I'm getting really fucking tired of the rain. Especially since when it's thundering out, I get really spazzy.

Also, everyone in the house went to bed tonight without telling me and something about that freaks me the fuck out. Argh. I'm feeling kind of stressed right now. Not in the... Usual way that I'm working through. In the, "There are things beyond my control that I'm bothered by" kind of stress.

...Technically, that should be filed under "Useless Spazz," but... Well, rainy night with the added benefit of wandering through the house earlier to find it completely dark and everyone else in bed with no warning just... Sets my nerves a-twitching. It happens. I cannot beat everything.

Tuesday I'm going to see the doctor. Tuesday is also, allegedly, the day we do some Christmas shopping. I keep saying that. Maybe at some point it'll actually happen. Gah.

I'm debating sleep. It's probably necessary.

At some point, I really need to do my freakin' tags. >.< Maybe tomorrow. Depending on how I feel when I wake up. Hopefully, I will be in a better mood and not spazzing over stupid, trivial crap. I would also love to be able to write, but I don't have the brains or the ideas for that yet... Or rather, I have a few ideas I want to write, but I'm all, "....I have no idea HOW to write that." It's a problem. :|

Mrmph. I want a lovepile. *rolls on her peoples*

Aubrey and I just had a long chat about certain characters in certain fandoms who are getting an UNDESERVED bad name around the internet, and I feel like I need to set the record straight. Keeping in mind one thing.... I am not good with meta. This will probably be an incoherent mess. Also, I'm not... An expert on Adelle DeWitt, by any means, so my interpretations may be flawed. I just have a strong, strong love for her archetype.

And, honestly? This is a meta for fandom's treatment of female characters, IN GENERAL. Not just in Dollhouse. It's a subject that makes my stomach CHURN, because it happens in even the best of fandoms. And... Yeah. Maybe it will never stop, but it needs to be stated and I'm feeling angry and ranty.

( In which Chris rages... A lot. )

And if another person calls Adelle De Witt a monster, I am personally tearing their head off verbally.

sdlkjsal;kfdl;askd;la

THE PRINCESS AND THE FROG, GUYS.

I CAN'T EVEN. I DON'T EVEN. I HAVE NEVER SMILED THAT MUCH IN A MOVIE. I SERIOUSLY.... OMG. THEY WROTE A PRINCE WITH AN ACTUAL PERSONALITY. THERE WAS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT AND AN ACTUAL LOVE STORY THAT WASN'T JUST LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT.

AND... AND.... OMG. I THINK THE SHADOW MAN MIGHT RANK AS ONE OF MY FAVORITE DISNEY VILLAINS. POSSIBLY BECAUSE I FIND HIS VOICE SEXY.

....This also might be the first Disney movie where I didn't like the supporting cast much (well, besides Lottie, but Lottie was just hilarious). The two leads were actually FANTASTIC. And Tiana kinda ranks up there with Meg for Favorite Disney Heroine. BUT NAVEEEEEN. He is my favorite.

The only problem I had with it was that the music COULD have been better, but it had the right style. I just hate Randy Newman. (The Shadow Man's song was the best... Possibly because of the aforementioned sexy voice.)

( SPOILER. )

I've returned from Florida and littlesilvered very reluctantly but at least I am home safe. I had an absolutely wonderful time with her - watching movies, being amused at Herman and Lily, exploring almost all of Disneyworld, plotting awesomely awful pirate fic... to say I didn't want to come back is the understatement of the year, possibly the century, even.

So yes, there's that. I'm slowly adjusting to a colder clime and doing the waking up as well as attempting to catch up on LJ.

And being cold? Have I mentioned being cold?